The Rogue Not Taken by Sarah MacLean

January 26, 2016

Road Trip! Road Trip!
http://www.sarahmaclean.net/
To be or not to be, that is the question. Or is the question, do I write a review right away or wait awhile and let it simmer. I have to say, if I had written my review as soon as I closed my book I would have gone down the road of glowing sunshine, butterflies and roses. But, I allowed myself to think about The Rogue Not Taken for a while and recalled some things about the story I didn't particularly care for.

My initial thoughts were that if you liked the movie, Romancing the Stone, you would like this book. Because that's what we sort of have here - a hero who is obnoxious and a heroine who is on a journey, but out of place. Really out of place. However, there are some things the book misses which the movie doesn't. For all of his obnoxious-I'm-right-alpha moments Jack Colton is never deliberately cruel to Joan Wilder. That is the biggest difference between Jack Colton and Kingscote, the Marquess of Eversley. That is also the main problem I had with this book. If events or big reveals had been placed differently, I think this book would have worked better for me.

Oh, woe is me. This was a hard book to review and I am torn, tortured and tickled all at the same time. First we have our heroine, Sophie. She belongs to a family with four other sisters, the Talbot family. The sisters have been crowned with the nickname of the Dangerous Daughters by society. Their father has been raised up from laborer to being granted a title. Of course titles don't really mean anything unless one is born into them, right? All those titled ladies and gents seem to have forgotten that at one time most all of them were granted a title, unless of course they were born on the wrong side of royal blanket. Even on the wrong side, they received titles - can anyone say Monmouth/Cleveland/Richmond/Berwick and on and on. The English aristocracy is peppered with illegitimate ancestors.

Anyway, nobility seems to have a pretty short memory and the Talbots have an awfully hard time being accepted into the high-falutin-hoity-toity society. Of course, even if they were accepted, they would still have all the scandals that the daughters, Seraphina, Sesily, Seline, Seleste and Sophie court. Except Sophie doesn't actually court scandals. In fact she doesn't want to have anything to do with the hubbub which her sisters create. She hates the city and dreams of the simple life she used to have. She remembers living a pretty bucolic life and dreams of opening a book shop, marrying the baker and raising children. She hasn't learned that you can never go back.

So, one evening Sophie is wondering through a garden and stumbles across her oldest sister’s husband attending to another woman. Something inside of Sophie boils over and she ends up shoving the guy in a pond. He doesn't take kindly to her or her sisters or her family. All her sisters are looking at her askance. She decides to get out of town - vamoose. How does she do that? She disguises herself as a young footman - that would be as in "a boy." Oh no, not the old girl-with-giant-bazoogas-dressing-up-like-a-boy-and-no-one-will-recognize-me routine. Yes, that is exactly what happens. All the men in London fail to see this woman dressed up like a boy except for Mr. Potato head himself, our hero, Kingscote. (They call him King for short.) Anyway, she eventually ends up with King and the two embark on a pretty crazy road trip. He tosses her out, she sells his carriage wheels, she drinks with his drunken friends, he gets mad, she gets shot by a highwayman and saves a woman and two children, he saves her life. While all of this is going on they bicker, fight, insult their way across the country, getting on every inch of each other’s nerves.

I liked parts of this book a lot. I thought it was fun. There were also some poignant moments, especially when Sophie is talking about her dreams of being married to the local baker. But, I had two problems: her family and ta ta ta dah King. I thought her family was rather selfish in the manner which they took advantage of Sophie. And, an event toward the end of the book when she does a pretty sneaky thing just to help them did not sit well with me. But, then that was a minor hiccup compared to our Bonehead hero. Here's the deal, because I have read a gazillion romances I know that even when a Bonehead hero is being a piece of guano, I know he's really down deep a knight in shining armor. How do I know that? Because I'm programmed to know that. I know that because that's what I've read in a gazillion romance novels, but sometimes those magical words of redemption are not in the book. Or, the words are in the book toooo late or they are not there long enough or the reason why our hero smells is just plain silly. Well, all of those reason were in this book.

While I enjoyed some of the banter between Sophie and King, there was a point when King was just downright hurtful. There was a time in this story when Sophie told King her dreams and hopes. Their relationship should have gone beyond saying mean hateful words just because one can. But instead of stepping forward, they stepped backward.  King was out for revenge. He wanted his father to know that he was the last of the Eversley family. There would not be anyone to pass anything on to. King would be the last! No spewing seed out for him, by golly. That would show the old man. Yes, the old man wronged him when he was just a wee pup. His father is responsible for killing the only woman King could ever luv. Or at least that’s what he thinks. Guess what we have in this book? We have a giant wrong conclusion. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! He has avoided his father for years. All he had to do was talk to his father and he would have discovered he was wrong. In his need to hurt his father, he ends up including Sophie in that pain. He is needlessly cruel to her. So, it was a step back in the relationship and a little bit of old bodice ripper books with Steve Morgan, Brandon Birmingham, Clayton Westmoreland, etc. in it.

The scenes with the father and her family were toward the end of the book. Everything up to that point was fun and I had been enjoying the story immensity. I think these scenes should have been sooner in the story and maybe King would have had more time to restore himself in my eyes - but there just wasn't enough time. Anyway, bottom line - I don't know. I liked the silliness of the road trip, the fun, the over the top running all over and getting into trouble, but I didn't care for her family showing up at the end and King was never given a chance to repair the insensitive damage he inflicted.

Time/Place: Road Trip Regency England
Sensuality: Hot
Book:  

Bonehead Hero:

Goodbye 2020!!!!!!

2020…

”We starve-look
At one another
Short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation
Of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes

Somewhere
Inside something there is a rush of
Greatness
Who knows what stands in front of
Our lives
I fashion my future on films in space
Silence
Tells me secretly
Everything

Manchester England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
Arms take your last embrace
And I'm a genius genius
I believe in God
And I believe that God believes in Claude
That's me, that's me, that's me
The rest is silence

We starve-look
At one another
Short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation
Of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes
Singing
Our space songs on a spider web sitar
Life is around you and in you
Answer for Timothy Leary, dearie

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sun shine in...” 

Hair… Gerome Ragni, James Rado, Galt MacDermot

2021
    
I think I can speak for almost everyone…I for one am glad to see the last of 2020. I only hope that sometime the coming year we are all able to stand together and cheer. I think what I’m most looking forward to is being in a crowd and smiling. I don’t think it matters too much what I’m smiling at, as long as we are doing it together. There’s just something about staring up at the skies and everyone going aaahhhhh.

As far as books, this was mostly a disappointing year for me. I kept looking for a new author to cheer me up, but alas, twas’ not to be. I found myself turning more and more to my old stand-by books.

Voices we have lost this year: Mary Higgins Clark, Sheila Connelly, Clive Cussler, Karen Harper, Donna Kaufman, Barbara Neely, Susan Sizemore, Carlos Ruiz Zafon.

Debut authors who have shown up on my radar: Sophie Cousens, Alexandria Bellefleur, Denise Williams, Elysia Whisler, Rosie Danan, Bethany Bennett, Jenny Bayliss,  Barb Curtis, Kristen McKanah, Jane Igharo, Rachel Givney, Chloe James, Krista Jensen, Brianne Moore, Annabelle Greene, Lily Menon, Fiona Knightley, Georgia Toffolo, Lizzie O’Hagan, Heidi Catherine, Marie Lipscomb, Krysta Fox, Jane Ver Mulm, Chelle Sloan,  Fiona Rivers, Lisa Bent, Tina Rischlynn, Kit Hawthorne, Juliana Wight, Lola West. Good luck to all of you.

2020 Outstanding List. As I mentioned earlier, this was a hard year for me when it came to finding that special book. I found myself turning more and more to my old beloved stories. Thanks to all you authors who brought a smile to my lips. And, thanks to all of you authors who have brought some brightness into our world.

2020 Outstanding (In no particular order):
1.    My Last Duchess, Eloisa James, 2020
2.    My Kind of Earl, Vivienne Lorret, 2020
3.    Beauty Tempts the Beast, by Lorraine Heath, 2020
4.    About a Rogue, by Caroline Linden, 2020
5.    A Dangerous Kind of Lady, by Mia Vincy, 2020
6.    Redeeming the Elusive Earl, by Virginia Heath, 2020
7.    Slightly Married, by Mary Balogh, 2003
8.    Slightly Scandalous, by Mary Balogh, 2003
9.    Slightly Dangerous, by Mary Balogh, 2004
10.   The Perfect Waltz, by Anne Gracie, 2005
11.    The Perfect Stranger, by Anne Gracie, 2006
12.    First Comes Scandal, by Julia Quinn, 2020
13.    Mr. Impossible, by Loretta Chase, 2005
14.    Last Nights Scandal, by Loretta Chase, 2010
15.    The Secret Mistress, by Mary Balogh, 2011
16.    The Christmas Bride, by Anne Gracie, 2020

Disappointing books of 2020. First of all, an author does not have to be a bad writer to appear on my list of disappointing books. Let’s remember who this is all about…me, me, me. These are my disappointing books. There could be all kinds of reasons why a book makes it to this list, and they are my reasons. Maybe a number of my hot buttons were activated. Maybe it was a book which didn’t stand up to the test of time. Maybe I’m just human, and what someone else loves I don’t. Of course, there could be a problem with the writing, but then again that’s all subjective. There could be a problem with the editing, or the narrative, but then again, it’s – repeat after me – all about me, me, me. This does not mean I have crossed a particular author off of my list, it’s just a particular book, at a particular time was not a winner.

2020 disappointments (in no particular order)
1.    Duke I’d like to F…,Sierra Simone, Joanna Shupe, Eva Leigh, Nicola Davidson, Adriana Herrera, 2020
2.    Ten Kisses to Scandal, Vivienne Lorret, 2018
3.    The Absolutely Positively Worst Man in England, Scotland, and Wales, by Anne Stuart, 2020
4.    Someone to Romance, by Mary Balogh, 2020
5.    A Kiss from a Rogue, by Elisa Braden, 2019
6.    Desperately Seeking a Scoundrel, by Elisa Braden, 2015
7.    The Madness of Viscount Atherbourn, by Elisa Braden, 2015
8.    When a Girl Loves an Earl, by Elisa Braden, 2015
9.    The Footman and I, by Valerie Bowman, 2020
10.   A Royal Kiss and Tell, by Julia London, 2020
11.    Splendid, by Julia Quinn, 1995
12.    Dancing at Midnight, by Julia Quinn, 1995
13.    How to Catch an Errant Earl, by Amy Rose Bennett, 2020
14.    Simply Unforgettable, 2005, Simply Love, 2006, Simply Magic, 2007, Simply Perfect, 2008 by Mary Balogh
15.    The Perfect Kiss, by Anne Gracie, 2007
16.    The Earl Not Taken, by A.S. Fenichel, 2020
17.    No Man’s Mistress, by Mary Balogh, 2001
18.    Anyone but a Duke, by Betina Krahn, 2020

On to my prestigious awards.
 
No More Wire Hangers, aka 2020 Mommie Dearest Award. 

You know, there always seems to be plenty of bad relatives hanging around in Romanceland. This award is given to alllll bad relatives, not just mothers. These bad relatives are lurking behind many pages, just waiting to make our heroine or hero miserable. In some cases, the hero can never luv another woman because of something his mother did. After all of these years, I’m not sure which one of these relatives I find the most disturbing. They can be oblivious fathers, conniving mothers, wastrel brothers, self-centered sisters, or spoiled cousins. It doesn’t matter, and usually their punishment is never enough. As much as I would like otherwise, there always seem to be bullying relatives just waiting behind that closed door.
 
My nominations for 2020:
1.    From Vivienne Lorret’s, My Kind of Earl, we have Jane’s parents. Jane is forced to do all the parenting due to the fact that she has a pair of narcissistic parents. It’s ok for these parents to have tons of children, then ignore them.
2.    Evie Dunmore’s father of the hero, from A Rogue of One’s Own. This guy is pretty much a monster. He threatens the hero, Tristin, with locking up Tristin’s mother in an asylum, if Tristin doesn’t’ do what he wants.
3.    The father from Caroline Linden’s, About a Rogue is a real bonehead. Yes, it’s possible for parents to be boneheads. This father treats his daughter horribly, and all the time all she wants is his affection. It’s pretty pathetic. This is a case where the father got off lightly.
4.    In Anne Gracie’s, Marry in Scarlet, has a manipulator mother to end all manipulators. And because of her, her son can never trust, believe, or luv a woman.
5.    Another father, who has waaay too much hold over his adult son in Julia Quinn’s, First Come Scandal.
6.    Oh no! Say it ain’t so! Every year since this series began, this mother has made my list. Yes, it’s Francesca, Lady Aldriss from Suzanne Enoch’s, Scot Under Covers. Yes, she’s still a horrible mother. She’s still blackmailing her sons into submission, and then wondering why they don’t like her. Not only does Francesca make it to our list, but the winner of this year’s Mommie Dearest comes from the same book.
7.    From Suzanne Enoch’s, Scot Under the Covers, the truly loathsome brother Mathew. Mathew actually sells his sister to a slimy toad. And, because of that, Mathew is the winner of the Mommie Dearest winner this year. Congratulations Mathew – you stink!

2020 Steve Morgan Bonehead Hero Award.

Ah yes, the hero we love to hate. He is usually an alpha male; he is jealous, possessive, controlling, obsessive, and arrogant. He can never forget his first love, he blames his horrible mother for his treatment of women, he’s always right, he calls his heroine Wren, Little One, Carrot Top, Squeal-pudding and Button Nose. He doesn’t wear any protection when he has sex; and he keeps a bottle of cream on a near-by night stand, because he doesn’t want to take the time. Yes, he is an all-around, self-centered jerk. He makes a practice of making women feel small. The Steve Morgan Bonehead is a creature who should have left this world in the 1970s, but I fear he is still lurking under the weeds.

My nominations for the 2020 Boneheads are:
1.    From Ten Kisses to Scandal, by Vivienne Lorret we have a much older man. While I will be honest, I am not fond of large age differences, sometimes in the hands of the right author I have over-looked it. But not in this case, because Nicholas is experienced in so many ways. It is just creepy how he dominates the heroine, and not just physically. He is so condescending, he might as well pat her on the head like a dog.  
2.    Raven, from My Kind of Earl, by Vivienne Lorret is an almost-bonehead. Yes! I can have almost boneheads if I want them. He chose the very last minutes to let his inner petulance loose and throw a fit.
3.    You can always depend on Anne Stuart to give us a bonehead hero, and she does in The Absolutely Positively Worst Man in England, Scotland and Wales. Let me introduce you to Christopher/Kit. He is pure bonehead hero material, even if there is a half-hearted-redemption at the end.
4.    In Mary Balogh’s, Someone to Romance, we have a bonehead who is an absentee landlord. There seems to be a lot of those in more recent books.  This one is Gabriel Thorne. He has been in America for thirteen years earning tons money, and ignoring the people who are struggling to make a living on his lands. He whines and complains about not wanting to stay in England during most of the book.
5.    The Madness of Viscount Atherbourn, by Elisa Braden introduces a revenge bonehead hero, Lucien. Lucien is not only a bonehead, but he has a Bonehead Hero Romanceland Plan. Both Lucien and his stupid plan suck. Lucien is not only vengeful, but he is a cruel, sadistic, wanker.
6.    Boo-hoo-whiners can be Bonehead heroes too. This one also happens to be royal, and is responsible for a DNF. From Julia London, A Royal Kiss and Tell, we have Prince Leopold, a kiss-my-butt-I’m-royal-bonehead.
7.    Let me introduce you to Colin, our winner. Colin is a character from Elisa Braden’s series Rescue from Ruin, and his book is Desperately Seeking a Scoundrel. Colin was a horrible person in every single book in the series. The more he showed up in the books, the deeper into the mud he sunk. Colin was just toooo much of a bonehead for any author to redeem.

Sidekicks, aka Secondary Characters, aka Supporting Cast of 2020.
Where would a book be without those wonderful secondary characters? There would be no one for our heroine or hero to talk to. There would be no hunky men in a series for us to wait for. There would not be any intelligent women with a purpose for us to cheer on. What would we do without all those scene stealers? This award recognizes the bad and the good secondary characters. These are the characters who caught my eye this year.

1.    Lorraine Heath’s Trewlove family has been around for a number of books, and Beauty Tempts the Beast is the last of them. And, in my opinion one of the best. Through this series, I have grown quite fond of Ettie Trewlove, and the foundation of love she created for all the children who found a home with her.
2.    Remember I said not all secondary characters are good. Sometimes we have irritating, interrupting characters who are having their own boring romance. And, that’s what happens in The Absolutely Positively Worst Man in England, Scotland and Wales, by Anne Stuart. Yes, every time we start getting some insight into our lead characters, along comes irritating Cecilia and her Bow Street Runner. Hey, Cecilia! We don’t care!
3.    Secondary character overload. We get to have a visit from every single Westcott there ever was, and ever will be, in Mary Balogh’s, Someone to Romance.
4.    The one good thing about Valerie Bowman’s, The Footman and I, was the friendship between the hero and his friends. But the great chemistry between the friends disappear when they get their own book.
5.    In Virginia Heath’s, Lilian and the Irresistible Duke, we are treated to a secondary character who is memorable …and, it’s not human. No, this secondary character is the glorious vision which is Rome. Ms. Heath changes Rome into a living, breathing experience which was a pleasure to read.
6.    It was a delightful flash-back, and it involved going back to when Anthony, Benedict, and Colin Bridgerton’s were still young boys. They were so very entertaining, and they brought a smile to my face in Julia Quinn’s, First Comes Scandal.
7.    The entire Bedwyn family in Mary Balogh’s Simply series. Every single book in the series as a plethora of Bedwyn’s showing up…don’t they have their own homes?
8.    When Mary Balogh gets it right, she gets it right. From Slightly Married, she gives us two wonderful children: Rebecca and David. The emotions were powerful, and they almost stole the show.
9.    Once again Mary Balogh turns out some great writing. And, once again it isn’t a secondary person, but this time it is an event – The Duke of Richmond’s ball before the battle of Waterloo. The fear of the upcoming battle is so vivid, you can smell it.
10.    My favorite secondary character this year was Bazzle, from Lisa Kleypas’ Chasing Casandra. This young street boy is so very charming. He is great fun. And, it isn’t long before he and his lice, are stealing the scenes.

The 2020 Romanceland Plan 

Allow me to introduce to you a brand-new award. Yes! I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that Plans in Romanceland don’t work, but it did. I thought to myself, “You know, it’s time to recognize these odd thinking moments by supposedly intelligent people.” There are certain warning signs to watch for when a Romanceland Plan is about to be born. Look out for a female disguised as a male, and she may be breaking into a house. She is probably breaking into the house of the man who ruined her sister; however, it turns out that she is mistaken and it’s his brother/uncle/cousin/friend’s house. But that doesn’t matter, because he also has a plan, he’s going to wreak revenge on her because she’s the sister of the man who ruined his sister/mother/cousin, and besides that, he just hates the heroine’s family. But then they announce that they are engaged, but it’s not really a real engagement! No! it’s a fake engagement! But in order to maintain the fake engagement, one of them has to dress up as a servant because they need to get the jewels that are hidden, and the father of the girl dressed as a boy will forgive her for not marrying first. Then they will have to sneak into the villain’s house and rescue allll the orphan’s, before they are sacrificed to the men in the Hellfire club. Sounds like a plan! Then the birds will sing, the squirrels will chatter, and the unicorns will skitter across the countryside. All will once again be well in Romanceland. 

And, here are some other worthy 2020 Romanceland plans:
1.    From Evie Dunmore’s, A Rogue of One’s Own, we have our hero Tristan’s plan to save his mother from an asylum, then ship her off to India…because she has friends there? Because she likes India? Because she asked to go there? Nope, none of those.
2.    Gabriel from Mary Balogh’s, Someone to Romance, has a plan. He plans to marry someone from a powerful family in order to regain his estate. Not sure how. He of course hasn’t been at his estate in years and years, and he doesn’t plan on staying, and he doesn’t plan on falling in love. So, the plan will probably work.
3.    The I-know-what-is-best-for-you plan by Elisa Braden’s heroine Augusta, from Anything but a Gentleman. Yes, she’s going to break into a gaming house and steal the “markers” of the creep who seduced her sister, then left her sister pregnant. Does she take into consideration that the guy is a real burp? No. Does she listen to her sister? Nah. Does she do smart things? Ha ha. Does she have long legs and red hair? Yep! That’s probably why her plan won’t work.
4.    From the same book, we have another plan. This one is from Sebastian. His plan is to scare Augustus by suggesting she become his mistress…I am speechless. We are talking about a hunky guy from a romance book, and being his mistress is supposed to be scary…Be afraid…be very afraid.
5.    Another book by Elisa Braden, The Madness of Viscount Atherbourn. Oh, my favorite kind of plan, the revenge plan. Yes, Lucien is mad, he is seeking revenge on the man he believes is responsible for the ruination of his sister. His plan is to seduce the sister of the man he hates, then create a scandal. Well, the seduction works, but the next day he proposes…so, how does that plan work again?
6.    From Valerie Bowman’s, the Footman and I, we have the disguise plan. Three spies/buddies/rakes disguise themselves as servants because…we don’t know why. It’s a bet, one of them is a spy, one of them is avoiding women…it’s a very confusing plan. It doesn’t make sense, but what it does do is get them in the house the same time the heroines are there.
7.    A normal plan, or as normal as Romanceland can allow. The plan from Anne Gracie’s, The Perfect Stranger. Nicolas will marry Faith and return her to England. Yep, that’s the plan. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, they have to trek through the countryside of France to get to England. They succeed in getting to England. Then there is some kind of weird, paranormal gypsy who reaches their hand inside the hero’s body, pulls out a tumor, and saves him. The gypsy hand event wasn’t part of the plan, just weird.
8.    From Mary Balogh’s, Slightly Sinful, is a doozy of a plan. This plan involves a bunch of prostitutes, our innocent heroine, a crusty one-eyed sergeant, and a hero with amnesia. All of these people need to get some money…because they all have dreams. Well maybe not the guy with amnesia. Anyway, they all pretend to be someone else, so they can approach our heroine’s uncle and get some money from him. The sergeant becomes a valet, the prostitutes become cooks, servants, and a companion. The hero and heroine become pretend-husband and wife. It was all very convoluted…and it didn’t work!
9.    Another disguise plan! From The Perfect Kiss by Anne Gracie. Grace Merridew plans to dye her hair and pretend to be a servant. I’m not sure why she needed to dye her hair, but then most of the plan didn’t make sense. Anyway, Grace pretends to be a servant because her bestest friend Molly is being forced to marry Dominic. Dominic doesn’t want children, Molly does. So, Grace dresses up like a servant/maid to Molly so she can do something…not sure what. Except for cleaning the chamber pots, I’m not sure how Grace’s plan was supposed to work, especially when it is Grace who Dominic becomes interested in, not Molly.
10.    And the winner is…. Aden’s plan from Suzanne Enoch’s, Scot Under Covers. Yes, Aden has a Romanceland Plan, but it’s a secret!!! He is so arrogant; he doesn’t tell anyone what he’s doing. He has them doing things for him, but he never lets anyone in on the secret plan! Aarrgh! Congratulations on the secret plan! And, congratulations on winning the first Romanceland Plan

And now for the award you’ve all been waiting for. It’s like the Oscar for best picture isn’t it…sort of. Well, maybe not. Yes, yes, yes, it’s time for the 2020 Timothy Toad Award! It’s time to honor those bulges, protrusions, and tents in pants. Sometimes they are eye catching, and sometimes you just wonder how some things are still attached. How can some of those Toads still be in working order, and not shriveled by some disease?

Timothy Toad Award for 2020
1.    In Elisa Braden’s, The Truth about Cads and Dukes, we have a Timothy Toad who is completely out of control. Our mature, stiff-neck hero, just cannot control is wacky giant toad. We don’t know why he can’t control it, because we are not given too much insight into his brain. Not the toad’s brain, but the hero’s brain.
2.    Another Elisa Braden book. This time it’s The Madness of Viscount Atherbourn. This guy is a real bonehead. He’s arrogant, and he’s out for revenge. Lucien is a real piece of work, and his Timothy Toad must be too. No matter how badly Lucien treats our heroine, she is mesmerized by his magic flute. She just cannot get enough of the puffy, one-eye guy. Page after page of yes, no, yes, no, yes. No wonder Timothy was confused.
3.    See what happens when you glom. Yes, another Elisa Braden book is nominated for an award. This time it’s When a Girl Loves an Earl. We have a biggggg one! Yes, James is at least eight feet tall! Everything about him is big. His hands, feet, toes, fingers…and other appendages. Too bad the heroine wasn’t a better heroine, because this huge Timothy Toad was wasted.
4.    The lonely Mr. Toad from Valerie Bowman’s, The Footman and I.  Lucas’s Mr. Toad is the only thing in this book who was fully developed. I think he must have realized how boring everyone in the story was, because he kept trying to escape.
5.    Another oldie. From the 1996 Minx, by Julia Quinn. Dunford has no control over anything in this book, including his Timothy Toad. It was alllll very amusing.
6.    We have a very sensitive Mr. Toad from Slightly Sinful by Mary Balogh. He’s so sensitive he can recognize a virgin just by the slightest touch. For some reason, I don’t think these guys are all that sensitive.
7.    Beware of Bonehead Heroes with twitching Timothy Toads. Especially when they twitch at the sight of a woman who isn’t engaged to them. Welcome to a very dishonorable toad from The Perfect Kiss, by Anne Gracie
8.    And the winner is: All the Mr. Toads from The Arrangement, by Sylvia Day, Minerva Spencer, and Kristin Vayden. Sometimes there is just tooooo much mind-numbing activation of hippidy-hopping toads. Sometimes there are toooo many bananas peeled, too many oranges squeezed. There was so much whankee-woo in this book, there wasn’t a story. If we put choir robes on these guys, I bet they could sing. That would be a sight for sore eyes.

And, it’s over. It’s time to say get thee gone 2020. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! Here’s hoping that 2021 will bring us a better year. My wish for this year is that we are all still here, and enjoying the books we love so much. It’s been a rough year, and I’m looking forward to being in a crowd, looking up at the sky and watching the stars together.

A Rogue's Downfall by Mary Balogh

September 22, 2107  
Winky-dink Alert
 
http://www.marybalogh.com/
Thank goodness Mary Balogh’s old books are being released again; in this case a bunch of her novellas have been electrified. But this isn’t just a release of a bunch of old books. What Ms. Balogh’s is doing is grouping her novellas together by their themes. The first group of novellas A Rogue’s Downfall is all about our favorite kind of character – the rake. Yes, my little Petunia’s, those hot, manly-men who pepper our pages - rakes!

The three short stories in this anthology are: The Anniversary - 1994, The Wrong Door - 1993, and Precious Rogue - 1995. These were quick reads and I enjoyed all three of them, although I did like one better than the other two.

The anthology opens with The Anniversary. This is a story of the Countess of Reardon and her husband, Hugh. The story is all about misunderstandings. Tons of them. Our couple have been separated for a year, they both love each other – however they never actually told each other of that love. Before their quick marriage, they had been drooling over each other from a distance until one evening at a ball under the influence of alcohol they caved into their passion. A few months later - surprise! His seed has taken root and now they are forced to marry. Hugh is with his wife for the birth of the child, but then they separate. She remains in the country and he returns to London where we are led to believe he resumes his life of dissipation. Well, a year passes and Hugh returns to the country and his wife. As one might imagine this is a pretty angst filled story, maybe not quite made for the short story format. He feels guilty, he calls what they had together rape, although I’m really not sure that's what I’d call it. I would call it two intoxicated people having sex. While I'm not a believer in "the alcohol made me do it," I also don't think there was any force used in their encounter. At least that's my take on it. I know Ms. Balogh has used rape in a few of her early books, but I don't think this one falls into that category. However, whatever one calls it, there is plenty of guilt to go around, plus all the misunderstanding and jump to conclusion moments. Most of the story is about Hugh trying to woo his wife and overcome their misinterpretations of what is really going on. This was an interesting story, but the characters were a little hard to like and it would have been better in a longer format.  B-

Next is my favorite story in the bunch, The Wrong Door. Well, it seems as if our intrepid rake, Alistair, is on his way to a rendezvous with a luscious widow when he makes a wrong turn. Oops! He ends up in the room of Caroline Astor, a sweet young thing who also happens to be the host’s daughter. Well, of course they must marry – maybe. Caroline has been in luv with Alistair forever and isn’t really keen on a marriage which is lopsided. There would be nothing worse for her than to be the only one in a relationship who is in love. Through some of Ms. Balogh’s maneuvering, Alistair and Caroline enter into a wager - who will fall in love first. Even though you may not believe it, this story was fun and I smiled almost all the way through it. All of this happens over a weekend, but it seemed as if they were together longer. And, Alistair did some wonderful about face movements in this story.  A

The last story in this anthology, Precious Rogue is about Joshua Buchanan. There is no way around this, Joshua is a real rake. He’s not a pretend rake, but a real one – in fact, during the party he is attending, he goes to bed with at least three women and is working on a fourth by the end of the story. And, he’s doing all of that while courting another woman. He has no conscious, he doesn’t’ care one thing about the woman he’s courting and he intends to embarrass her and her mother before he leaves. I was a little concerned for his health. He was so realistically written that I just knew his winky-dink was either diseased or ready to fall off. The heroine of this story is Patricia Mangan, but she isn’t the woman Joshua is courting. In fact, she’s none of the women he’s interested in. She is the cousin to the woman he’s courting. She is little more than a drudge to her family. They treat her horribly. She spends her free time in a tree enjoying the peace it gives her. It is during a tryst with another woman under that tree that Joshua first encounters Patricia.  Joshua and Patricia slowly become friends, which eventually turns into love. Spoiler warning: for all of you fidelity purists, Joshua does not stop his sex-capades once he meets Patricia. He continues on being himself. Patricia on the other hand knows exactly what he’s doing. I thought it was refreshing to have a man continue his dalliances even after he encounters the heroine. It isn’t until he realizes he has grown to love her that he stops. The one thing that made the grade of this story a little lower was the revenge silliness at the end of the story – I didn’t like the path the revenge traveled down.  A-

I do recommend this anthology.
Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality: Warm

Goodbye - Farewell 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 19, 2016
"Hello, I must be going.
I cannot stay,
I came to say
I must be going.
I'm glad I came
but just the same
I must be going.

For my sake you must stay,
for if you go away,
you'll spoil this party
I am throwing.

I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
but I am telling you,
I must be going." - Animal Crackers (Groucho Marx)

Farewell 2016

Goodbye my dear Jo Beverley and Roberta Gellis. We will remember your voices through the words you have left behind for us.

Some debut authors who have crossed my radar: Abbie Roads, April Hunt, Cat Sebastian, Anna Bennett, Lexi Eddings, Emma Hornby, Melissa Marino, Lisa Jones Baker, Jessica Linden, Brianna Labuskes, Laurel Blount. Congratulations.

This has been a tough year for books which I consider outstanding. There have been weeks and weeks when I've had to retreat to my oldies but goodies pile. As we all know, memory sometimes plays tricks on us but sometimes our memories of good old books work. So, thanks to some hefty support from my older books here is my Outstanding Romance Novels of 2016 - in no particular order.

1. Tessa Dare - Do You Want to Start a Scandal
2. Julia Quinn - It's in His Kiss - 2005
3. Julia Quinn - Romancing Mister Bridgerton - 2002
4. Julia Quinn - The Viscount Who Loved Me - 2000
5. Julia Quinn - The Duke and I - 2000
6. Anne Stuart – Shameless - 2011
7. Anne Stuart – Ruthless - 2010
8. Anne Stuart - The Houseparty - 1985
9. Elizabeth Hoyt - Sweetest Scoundrel
10. Madeline Hunter - Tall, Dark and Wicked
11. Laura Lee Guhrke - And Then He Kissed Her - 2007
12. Eloisa James - A Gentleman Never Tells
13. Lisa Kleypas - Marrying Winterborne
14. Elizabeth Hoyt - Duke of Sin
15. Madeline Hunter - The Wicked Duke
16. Marguerite Kaye - Strangers at the Altar
17. Eva Leigh - Temptation of a Wallflower
18. Courtney Milan - Her Every Wish
19. Jo Goodman - If His Kiss is Wicked - 2007
20. Eloisa James - My American Duchess
21. Loretta Chase - Dukes Prefer Blondes
22. Grace Burrowes - The Laird - 2014
23. Karen Ranney - My Beloved - 1999

Disappointment List. Before I even begin, let's make sure we understand that whether you like a book or not depends on many things. You may even love a book and then 15 years later have thoughts cross your mind, like “what the crap was I thinking! Is this a classic or isn’t it?” Maybe you’re just not in the right mood, or maybe the book just stinks. Whatever the reason, its allll very subjective. I may not like a book which everyone else in the entire book world loves, loves, loves. Will I stop reading an author who has made my disappointment list? Just look at the authors on this list, a number of them were on both lists. So much for favoritism. These are my disappointments and not anyone else's. In no particular order.

1. Julie Garwood - The Wedding - 1996
2. Julie Garwood - The Bride - 1989
3. Cathy Maxwell - A Date at the Altar
4. Sarah MacLean - A Scot in the Dark
5. Julia Quinn - On the Way to the Wedding - 2006
6. Anne Stuart – Breathless - 2010
7. Mary Jo Putney - Once a Soldier
8. Cathy Maxwell - The Fairest of Them All
9. Jo Goodman - All I Ever Needed - 2003
10. Ashlyn MacNamara - To Lure a Proper Lady
11. Sally MacKenzie - How to Manage a Marquess
12. Stacy Schiff - The Witches (yes, I know it's not a romance - don't care)
13. Kasey Michaels - A Scandalous Proposal
14. Jo Goodman - Let Me Be the One - 2002
15. Tracy Anne Warren - Happily Bedded Bliss
16. Grace Burrowes - Lady Louisa's Christmas Knight - 2012
17. Grace Burrowes - The Duke's Obsession Bundle - The Heir – 2010, The Soldier – 2011, The Virtuoso - 2011
18. Elizabeth Hoyt - Duke of Pleasure

The Vicar's Daughter, Tempting Kate, The Last Rogue by Deborah Simmons - The A-Team continued.

June 27, 2014
Whatever happened to...

http://www.deborahsimmons.com/
Many many years ago there was a group of delightful books by an author named Deborah Simmons. This was in the days when a "series" wasn't as pre-ordained as it is now. Anyway, she had/has a regency series (without a name) and a medieval series (with a name). The first few books in the medieval series were a delight, but even more wonderful were her

regency books. She was/is a joy to read.

Then something happened over at Harlequin and she disappeared for a while, then she came back.  However, her last book was published in the early part of 2013. Her website doesn't show any recent activity and I am nervous.  Even though her last few books were a disappointment for me, I have continued to keep an eye out, but nothing seems to be happening. If you have never read any of her books, the three I'm going to talk about are gems and you should try to find them somewhere. Two of them have been released in electronic format, but The Vicar's Daughter is still out-of-print and hard to find.

Let's start with the first one - sort of - The Vicar's Daughter, 1995. I say sort of because I'm only talking about three of Ms. Simmons early regencies. There are earlier regencies with characters that are mentioned in these three books; however, I've always considered The Vicar's Daughter, Tempting Kate, and The Last Rogue the best of Ms. Simmons' regencies.

Back to The Vicar's Daughter, which I reviewed years ago and have not changed my mind. I love when I can go back to a much-beloved book and find that it still brings me pleasure. The Vicar's Daughter has one of my favorite type of heroes, an uptight stuffed-shirt who turns into an out of control befuddled male. In fact all three stories featured befuddled males. Max has mapped his life out completely, down to the last hair on his head. He has scheduled everything, he's orderly, everything is timed. He has time pieces that keep him on his schedule, he looks at them constantly. He doesn't have too much of a sense of humor, he's neat, precise, only drinks two glasses of wine and even has visits to his mistress penciled into his schedule. His secretary knows that Max has broken off with his mistress because he has scratched her name out of his time-table.

As luck would have it, he has purchased an estate in the country and is visiting it, adding it into his well-ordered life. It is while he is at this estate that he decides to pay a visit to the local vicar and there he meets his doom in the form of the vicar's second eldest daughter, Charlotte. From the moment he enters the ramshackle home of the vicar, his life is never the same. The vicar, you see, Mr. Trowbridge, has eight children and only one of those eight children is married and not living at home. Max's entrance into the home is very amusing. This house is full of exuberant children and nothing in it is anything Max has ever experienced. His first encounter with Charlotte is funny and sets the course for the rest of his encounters with her. Usually those encounters include food being spilled on him and her trying to wipe it up.

This is not a deep dark story, nor does it cause frown lines. Max and Charlotte are a great couple, and though they are complete opposites they bring into the relationship just what the other person needs to be a better person. It's filled with wit, charm and fun. I had a great time watching Max stutter, deny and flounder his way toward his HEA.
Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality: Hot

On to Tempting Kate, 1997. Our hero in this story is Gray, the Duke of Worth. Gray happens to have been a suitor to Charlotte from The Vicar's Daughter. Tempting Kate is not has funny or light as The Vicar's Daughter; in fact, there is some of the story that comes close to dark territory, but it was still a pleasure to read. The heroine in this story is Kate and Kate is under the mistaken belief that Gray impregnated her younger sister and left her to face the consequences. For some reason Kate decides to kidnap Gray and force him to help with her sister. In so doing this, she accidentally shoots him, panics, and then she and her

man-servant stuff him in a carriage and take him to her dilapidated home to help him recover. Even though it doesn't sound like it, this part of the books is rather light-hearted. Once Gray regains consciousness he tells Kate she is mistaken in her conclusion regarding her sister, but now he knows there is someone impersonating him and he decides to stay and find out who the villain is. It is during this time of recovery that he and Kate become friends. Even though she is the one who shot him, he finds that he has a growing respect for her. Kate has managed to support herself, her sister, and a loyal man-servant on the funds that were left to her by her father.

As the two of them get to know each other, the story starts to change. It does a subtle change from a fun story to a darker, intense offering. Where this story is different from The Vicar's Story is in the hero. Gray may turn into a bubbling, denier-of-love hero, but he also reveals a rather scary obsessive side. Gray seems to have a bit of a control problem, at least with himself. The most important thing for him seems to be never losing control, well we all know that heroes have no control over themselves when their heroine is around. And, that's what happens here. He becomes obsessed with Kate. He feels that if he uses her enough in bed, he will have control over himself. So, at night the bedroom is a giant cauldron of hot sweaty sex, but after it's all over, he closes himself off to her. He almost becomes crazed with his obsession to be in his control of himself. Of course, his rebuffing of Kate after all the hot whankee-loo is a tad bit wearing on her self-confidence.

Eventually, he accepts his loss of control and we have our HEA, but it is a teeny bit wearing on the reader to get to it. There were times that Gray was a bit too over the top for my taste, but in the end two dissimilar people complimented each other. Tempting Kate was almost too dark, but I still found it a refreshing to reread this very well-written novel.
Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality: Hot!!!!

Now we come to the last in the trio of novels, The Last Rogue, 1998. This tale sheds the darkness and returns to a delightful romp. In this one we have Deverell Fairfax, Viscount Raleigh, a peacock, coxcomb, dandy if ever there was one. I was excited to see the return of the quizzing glass in this one - that wonderful foppish prop isn't used as much in more current historical novels. This quizzing glass is also cause for a wonderfully poignant scene, or should I say the absence of the glass is cause for a poignant, charming scene.

Raleigh actually was a pretty strong secondary character in both The Vicar's Daughter and Tempting Kate. He's one of those overdressed, silly men who hands out advice to his love-lorn friends and in the process manages to get some funny jabs in at their expense. So, now the shoe is on the other foot, so to speak.

This tale starts with Raleigh waking up to a scream. Dear oh dear, he has managed to show up drunk at his friend Max's house, be shown to his regular room and fall asleep. Unbeknownst to Max and Raleigh, Max's wife Charlotte has put her sister Jane in that room. Well, of course there is nothing for it but for these two to marry after being found in such a compromising situation. Once again we have a couple who are completely different, both in appearances and their outlook on life. Jane refers to herself as Plain Jane and she was a very young secondary character from The Vicar's Daughter and a sister to the heroine of that book. Well, she's grown up now and she's grown up with quite a complex.

Plain Jane has always felt she was compared to her beautiful sister Charlotte and found lacking, so she dresses the part. She pulls her hair back in a tight 'do, she wears glasses, she dresses in browns and grays, and she is somber, humorless and condemning of any one with a frivolous nature. Well, of course Raleigh is about as silly as they come. He dresses in bright colors with high collars, he jokes, he laughs, he smiles, and quips just fall off of his lips. However all that nonsensical business hides some insecurities...he can never seem to please his parents. Because he can never seem to make them happy, he has taken on the facade of not caring.

The Last Rogue is a story about two people with facades and how they slowly chip away at those facades to the people underneath. This was bright story about two delightful people. I smiled a lot at Jane's loud sniffs when Raleigh did something that disgusted her. What made this couple even better was that they fell in love with each others foibles and they didn't change too much over the course of the book. Also mixed into the romance is a light-hearted Gothic story that is pretty humorous.  
Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality: Warm/Hot

Overall, all three of these books are something everyone should read. I prefer The Vicar's Daughter and The Last Rogue over Tempting Kate, but they are all three wonderful, charming stories and they have aged really well through the years. I wish The Vicar's Daughter would be released to electronic format, because my copy of the book is getting mighty yellow.

And Deborah, please write some more!

Goodbye 2014

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx

Goodbye 2014. What a year! it certainly seemed to go by fast. During this year we bid a fond farewell to The Romance Reader website. TRR was one of the first romance book review sites to hit the worldwide web. It was an outstanding example of fairness, and influenced many present day sites. This year I said goodbye to Tracy at Tracy's Place aka Ahhhhhromance. After considerable reflection she decided to call it a day. Thank goodness I can still catch her on Goodreads and Book Binge. I do keep checking back to see if she's changed her mind. So far she hasn't.

Let's talk about me. This year I began two projects. One of those projects I forgot I was doing, however, my A-Team project is still going strong. In fact, because of my A-Team, my 2014 Outstanding list is larger than it would have been.

Farewell. Voices that have been taken from us this year: Aaron Allston, Maya Angelou, Benita Brown, Mary Rogers, Zilpha Keatley Snyder, Mary Stewart, Leslie Thomas, Aimee Thurlo.

Welcome. Some debut authors who have crossed my radar: Sheila Athens, Ann Bennett, Kat Beyer, Elle Daniels, Kaitlyn Davis, Kelly Bowen, Sally Orr, Krassi Zourkova, Ausma Zehanat Khan, Maggie Hall, Catherine Finger, Charlee Fam, Rachel Lacey, Laura Johnston, Sara Raasch, Amy Ewing, Marcus Brotherton, Anouska Knight, Gabriel Weston, Tiffany King, M.P.Cooley, J.C. Nelson, Carrie Stuart Parks, Carolyn Dingman, Rachel Allen, Edoardo Albert, Julia Fierro, Kathryn Ma, Mary Rickert, Downey Greene, S.E. Green, S.R. Savell, A.J. Larrieu, Kate Breslin, Anne Leonard, William Shaw, Patricia Bradley. Congratulations!

Outstanding! These are some of my favorite books of the year - and this year my list is heavily populated with some old classics. In no particular order:
1. Julia Ross - The Seduction, 2002
2. Elizabeth Boyle - The Viscount Who Lived Down the Lane
3. Amanda Quick - Rendezvous, 1991
4. Jennifer Ashley - Rules for a Proper Governess
5. Lisa Kleypas - Then Came You, 1993
6. Lisa Kleypas - Devil in Winter, 2006
7. Bettina Krahn - Behind Closed Doors, 1991
8. Bettina Krahn - Caught in the Act, 1990
9. Courtney Milan - The Suffragette Scandal
10. Deborah Simmons - The Last Rogue, 1998
11. Suzanne Enoch - A Matter of Scandal, 2001
12. Caroline Linden - It Takes a Scandal
13. Meredith Duran - Fool Me Twice
14. Eloisa James - Three Weeks with Lady X
15. Mia Marlowe - Plaid Tidings
16. Joanna Bourne - The Spymaster’s Lady
17. Joanna Bourne - The Forbidden Rose
18. Joanna Bourne - Rogue Spy
19. Joanna Bourne - The Black Hawk
20. Elizabeth Hoyt - Darling Beast

Classics! Now for some fore-v-e-r and e-v-e-r golden classics. Instead of putting these on my 2014 Outstanding list, I decided they deserved a list of their own. These books always make me feel good. Even with the passing years and changing language, they remain close to my heart. They also represent what I consider some really fine romance writing. And I will read them again and again.

1. Mary Jo Putney - The Rake, 1998 (aka The Rake and the Reformer, 1988)
2. Laura London - The Windflower, 1984 (happy anniversary!)
3. Loretta Chase - Lord of Scoundrels, 1995
4. Judith Ivory - The Proposition, 1988
5. Deborah Simmons - The Vicar's Daughter, 1995
6. Lisa Kleypas - Dreaming of You, 1994

Disappointing. Disappointing is such an interesting word, don't you think? We.., I'm about to apply that word to a number of books I read in 2014. The following list contains books I was disappointed in for a variety of reasons. Maybe I had high expectations for a book and they weren't met. There are also some authors I hold to a higher standard and sometimes they just have bad days. Sometimes I've been misled by bombastically glowing reviews only to discover not everyone has the same taste. Of course, maybe just maybe I don't like it. Maybe the writing is sloppy, the characters cardboard, the hero a bonehead and we have a TSTL heroine. Whatever the reason here is my list of books I was disappointed in this year:

1. Victoria Alexander - The Shocking Secret of the Guest at the Wedding
2. Elizabeth Essex - A Scandal to Remember - short story from Christmas Brides
3. Valerie Bowman - It Happened Under the Mistletoe - short story from Christmas Brides
4. Robert Galbraith - The Silkworm
5. Manda Collins - Why Lords Lose Their Hearts
6. Michele Sinclair - A Woman Made for Sin
7. Sherry Thomas - My Beautiful Enemy
8. Nancy Martin - A Little Night Murder
9. Jude Deveraux - The Black Lyon, 1980 - a wallbanger if ever there was one
10. Miranda Neville - Lady Windermere's Lover
11. Loretta Chase - Vixen in Velvet
12. Louise Allen - Scandal's Virgin
13. Valerie Bowman - The Unexpected Duchess
14. Kasey Michaels - What a Hero Dares
15. Madeline Hunter - The Counterfeit Mistress
16. Jillian Hunter - The Countess Confessions
17. Manda Collins - Why Earls Fall in Love
18. Loretta Chase - The Lions Daughter, 1995
19. Loretta Chase - Captives of the Night, 1994
20. Laura Lee Guhrke - When the Marquess Met His Match

Now to the prestigious awards.Mommie Dearest Award. No more wire hangers! As everyone knows there are a lot of angst-filled heroes and downtrodden heroines in Romanceville. Do you ever wonder why these people are the way they are? Well, it's because there are boatloads of horrible relatives to make them miserable. From the dominating mother, forcing marriage down someone's throat, to the evil uncle slipping poison into some virgin's tea, romance books are loaded with them. Lucky for us, 2014 was no different. For your perusal:

1. From The Shocking Secret of the Guest at the Wedding by Victoria Alexander we have Mrs. Channing. Mrs. Channing had a secret for 32 years. You see, she told her son Jackson his father died when he was two. And, she neglected to tell her husband (who she left shortly after the honeymoon) that he was a father. The worst part was that at no time did she ever show any contrition.
2. The guardians of Merrie from Caught in the Act, 1990. What a pair of conniving, murderous couple. They work really hard trying to separate Merrie and Jack. It's a good thing Jack is a manly man.
3. The mother-in-law from hell in Bride of a Scottish Warrior by Adrienne Basso.
4. The in-your-face mother from Meet the Earl at Midnight by Gina Conkle.
5. From Scandal's Virgin by Louise Allen, we have the mean mother who actually tells our heroine that the baby she had is dead. I guess that was supposed to protect her somehow. 
6. Two meanie mommies from Sweet Disorder by Rose Lerner. I'm not sure which one of the mothers is the most horrible. The heroines mother who constantly browbeats her daughter - you're-too-fat-you're-stupid-you-can't-do-anything-right.  Or.  The hero's mother who had political ambition for her sons. She was domineering, controlling and had her hands up all of her sons' cavities deciding what allll their lives were going to be. It was almost too much. Two monster mothers in one story.

And the winner is Laetitia's mother from Eloisa James' Three Weeks with Lady X. What a truly horrible mother. She is all the Disney villains rolled into one - a truly obnoxious person who should never have been a mother (great job writing a mean person, Ms. James.)

 
Bonehead heroes. These guys irritate me. They are supposed to be our heroes, they are supposed to be men our heroines fall in love with. However, they can't forget the first women they ever loved or that bad woman who broke their heart by marrying their best friend - oh, boo-hoo alllll women are tarts. They use women, they are cold, they lie, and they are jealous, possessive, obsessive, and unfaithful. They jump to conclusions and their apologies are either non-existent or a pitiable "sorry." Here are my nominees for the Steve Morgan Bonehead Hero award: 

1. Cormoran Strike from The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith aka JK Rowlings. Yes, I know he's a private eye not technically a romance hero, but he is a leading man. However, for me the days of Sam Spade - "all women are dame" is in the past. While I may consider Sam Spade a classic detective, and The Maltese Falcon is one of the best gumshoe stories ever, the Sam Spade mentality is a thing of the past and I expect better of the men of today. Cormoran Strike coldly uses women, and on top of that he's a know-it-all. He's a whiney poor-me-I-lost-a-leg-guy. He needs to shed the Sam Spade persona and come into the 21st century.
2. This year we have a Bonehead heroine in the form of Perdita from Why Lords Lose Their Hearts by Manda Collins. This woman just could not get past her distrust of men because of her horrible dead husband. Her blinders made it impossible for her to see the delightful beta hero standing in from of her. What a harpy.
3. Bonehead heroes can be oblivious, and that is what we have in A Woman Made for Sin by Michele Sinclair. For almost 200 pages our hero, Reece, wanders around his ship hearing a woman's voice. I'm not sure why it didn't click in his brain that there was a real live female on his shop - it's not as if he's a whacko, he doesn't normally hear voices.
4. Normally, we have Bonehead Heroes, but I would like to mention a Bonehead secondary character: Gus, Nora's boss in A Little Night Murder by Nancy Martin. Nothing says sexual harassment more than this guy.
5. Penthurst, our chest thumping, bossy, know-it-all hero from The Accidental Duchess by Madeline Hunter.
6. Let’s not forget Avery, our juvenile, jump-to-the-wrong-conclusion guy in Scandal's Virgin by Louis Allen. In fact, this book had numerous obnoxious characters. They were all irritating and this book almost hit the wall.
7. The Handsome Stupid Man, aka Gavin Norwood from The Counterfeit Mistress by Madeline Hunter. Gavin was a great secondary character, but when the time came for his own book it didn't work. This is an assumption kind of guy and all of his assumption were wrong - alllll of them.
8. Coming in a close second was Damien from Lady Windermere's Lover by Miranda Neville. Here is a guy who blames everyone but himself for his problems. He is spoilt, he is callus, he jumps to conclusions and he holds grudges. He has to be one of the worst friends ever. He almost won the bonehead award, but there was a real horrible stinker-hero this year, thanks in part to my A-Team Project. I have no idea what I was thinking in 1980 when I first read this book and actually liked it.

Our Bonehead Winner-ur-Loser for 2014 is Ranulf de Warbrooke from The Black Lyon by Jude Deveraux. Granted this book was written in 1980, the era of true bodice rippers, but even so this guy takes the cake. How anyone could find this jealous, possessive, violent rapist romantic is beyond me. The heroine is so innocent, so in love, never understanding what she did wrong - and, she did nothing wrong. All the problems are created by his pig-headed-jealousy - he is an abusive creep and he never should have been a hero.

Sidekick aka Secondary Characters aka Supporting Cast. 
   
Oh those great scene stealers, those characters we hope show up again in the next book. Sometimes they are good enough to have their own book. When this happens sometimes they live up to our expectations - Derek Craven. Sometimes they should never have a book of their own but do - Sebastian, Duke of St. Ives. And some we just keep hoping we will see again - Cat. Well, here is my 2014 crop of secondary characters who either stole the show or I'm hoping for a sequel or both.

1. The Duke of Montgomery, a seemingly frivolous fop, from Elizabeth Hoyt's Darling Beast. I want Montgomery's story to be next but I'm going to have to wait. Sigh.
2. Andrew, Sinclair's high-energy son from Rules for a Proper Governess by Jennifer Ashley. I thought the scenes with Andrew in them were very realistic. What made them even better was that they were in the pages of a book and not my living room. I loved the realistically drawn Andrews. He made me smile.
3. Sometimes secondary characters have very small parts in the book, but they are still capable of stealing scenes and that is what happened in Lisa Kleypas' Devil in Winter. MacPhee, the Scottish blacksmith was absolutely funny and his small comical part added to the story. His heavy Scottish brogue was wonderful and his interaction with our hero was a hoot.
4. Fagan from My Highland Spy by Victoria Roberts is already doing hero bickering with his future heroine, which makes me want to buy his book. He made a great supporting character, hop he can stand on his own.
5. We have a whole boatload of secondary characters in the ship's crew from A Woman Made for Sin by Michele Sinclair. This was a case when the secondary characters overpowered the story.
6. Baron Torgne Sigund from Behind Closed Doors by Betina Krahn - the bigger-than-a-tree-trunk guy was half of a very combustible team.
7. In It Takes a Scandal by Caroline Linden, it was nice to have an affectionate, loving family in the Westons. Their parents were portrayed as loving. The siblings were loyal one minute and bickering the next---just like real siblings. It was a refreshing change from the usual evil family fare.
8. Freddie from Heir of Uncertainty by Alyssa Everett. I loved Freddie; he was beautifully written. His honesty enhanced the story and gave it a bit of humor. Freddie's character allowed the hero to appear sympathetic and loving.
9. Only in the world of fiction can a ghost be a great supporting character. That is what happened in Plaid Tidings by Mia Marlowe. Yep, Brodie the ghost not only has his own mystery surrounding him but he is also the surrogate father of our heroine Lucinda. Brodie has always been there for Lucinda, and at time their relationship is very poignant. 

And the winners are, yes this year we have a tie. It's really not fair to the other secondary characters this year that I read two classic books with two all-time bestist of the best supporting characters...Derek Craven from Then Came You. And Cat from The Windflower, who never got his own story...ahem. I don't believe I need say any more about these two wonderful creations.

Garlic Breath Award. Gather 'round kiddoes...what does SidneyKay say about how to spot a villain? Look for a character with garlic breath and/or yellow teeth. Yes, yes, they are our villains. Here are some of the villains that slithered off of the pages this year...and some didn't even have garlic breath.

1. The omnipresent villain from Why Lords Lose Their Hearts by Manda Collins. He knew every place our heroine was going to be before anyone else, including her. If must have been his minions that made him so psychic.
2. This is one of the first time I've nominated an historical person in this category...let's give a round of applause to Elizabeth I as portrayed in Behind Closed Doors by Betina Krahn. This book is a sequel; however in this story time has not been kind to Elizabeth. She is now a jealous, vindictive, possessive, crafty woman who is downright scary in her obsession with the heroine.
3. Villains from older books showed up this year. First Francis Beaumont from Captives of the Night by Loretta Chase, a liar, pander, and drug addict who get his comeuppance and Ismal/Esmond from The Lion's Daughter by Loretta Chase. Ismal is a very evil, irredeemable villain in The Lion's Daughter. He shows up as the hero in Captives of the Night, but even the change of his name to Esmond doesn't make him hero material.
4. Coming in second is Jack from Falling for the Highland Rogue by Ann Lethbridge, a really spine-tingling creepy guy who doesn't need smelly breath to make him bad.

And, the winner of the Garlic Breath Award for best villain of 2014 is from another older book. This time it is Edward from The Seduction by Julia Ross. This guy is so creepy the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He is a master manipulator, has so many moves that you really don't know what he's up to. Edward is a wonderfully sinister man created from the pen of a gifted author.

Gus Award. Once again there seemed to be a shortage of cute animals that caught my eye this year. Ho, those little balls of fluff or those mangy, slobbering, smelly mongrels or those disgruntled-don't-touch-me felines who almost steal the show. Yes, it's time for the scene stealing creatures that inhabit our books. (I'd say four legged but sometimes they have fins.)

1. The ferret from My Lord and Spymaster by Joanna Bourne is my first nominee. That little guy added a bit of humor while still managing to point the good guys in the right direction. Nothing handier than a ferret who can find somebody who's kidnapped.
 

The winner this year is Daffodil, the adorable little Italian Greyhound from Darling Beast by Elizabeth Hoyt. Daffodil was just a jumpy, nervous, skittish wonderful addition to a great book.

Fasten your seat belts! It's time for the Timothy Toad award. What would we do without our Mr. Toads populating our books? Some of them are big-big-enormous, some are very very talented, angry, even red, hot, silky, soft/hard with giant bulbous purple heads...sounds appetizing doesn't it. Here are this year's stand-outs: 

1. Tristan, Sabrina Jeffries' hero from How the Scoundrel Seduces. Tristan's Mr. Toad has a mind of its own and so do his giant thighs. While Tristan may have a problem with women, his Mr. Toad doesn't pay Tristan any mind. Nope that guy is sending out all kinds of signals to our heroine, signaling her from across the room, waving his head - letter her know of his availability.
2. This year we have one of the most boring Mr. Toads ever.  From A Woman Made for Sin, no matter how hard he tries, after pages and pages of recreational activity Chase's Mr. Toad does nothing but make us fall asleep.
3. Then we have the Tree Trunk Mr. Toad from Behind Closed Doors by Betina Krahn. Just the thought of a giant throbbing tree trunk headed my way makes me want to run in the other direction. To say nothing of the bark. Ouch!
4. Then we have a disgusting, can't-get-love-without-a-drug Mr. Toad from Lady Windermere's Lover by Miranda Neville.
5. Let’s take a look at the interesting Mr. Toad from The Unexpected Duchess by Valerie Bowman. Not only is the Mr. Toad in this book a gymnast - all that flipping and flopping and plowing made me downright dizzy - but this Mr. Toad had a sidekick. Yep, he had a helper in the form of some big over-sized fingers. Yes-siree Bob, Derek had a handful of frenzied chipper-choppers, delving and digging whenever they could.
6. And, who could forget the Mr. Toad from Meredith Duran's Fool Me Twice! This amazing piece of equipment was made for one thing and one thing only and that would be whankee-roo-who; it didn't seem that Alistair did anything else with his Mr. Toad - like pee.
7. Then we have a Mr. Toad who is starting his own business. People who like to camp can go to this guy. The number of erect poles produced by the Mr. Toad from Wicked Little Secrets by Susanna Ives was simply amazing, just the thought of all those tents was astounding.
8. From The Countess Confessions by Jillian Hunter there's the Mr. Toad who thinks our heroine is a ventriloquist - really, conversation cannot be had when one's mouth is occupied entertaining you, Mr. Toad.

And the winner of this year's prestigious Mr. Toad award goes to the amazing Mr. Toad from Why Earls Fall in Love by Manda Collins. Granted this guy had some help and our heroine must have had quite a cavern in her valley. Timothy Toad and his cohorts were busy little fellas: tongues, fingers, elbows, kitchen sinks, and all of them thrusting, sucking, shucking; why, I could even hear an occasional echo. May there was even a lantern down there. Who knows they might even find Jimmy Hoffa.

Once again I have to thank you guys for making by days a little lighter. A number of you have provided me with some pretty big yucks and I bet I will find more of you in 2015.

2015. I'm happy for Deborah Simmons, who seems to have a new book out, It Had to Be You, even if it isn't a historical.  I'm looking forward to an upcoming historical release from Lisa Kleypas and keeping my fingers crossed that she still has that historical romance magic. Also, Courtney Milan is going to try her hands at contemporary romance. She is promising to continue writing her historicals. I hope she is able to keep her promise because I will be crying my eyes out if I'm not able to read at least one Courtney Milan historical a year.

“Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay,
I came to say, I must be going.
I’m glad I came, but just the same,
I must be going.” - Groucho Marx