Memories Schmemories, Continuing Saga, Rules for Being a Mistress by Tamara Lejeune, 2008

What I wouldn't give for some hip boots!

Yes, children, you will need hip boots when you read Rules for Being a Mistress. Why would I need hip boots, you ask. Oh, my unsuspecting innocents, you will need them as you attempt to wade through the quagmire of disjointed plots and believability stretched farther than the milky way!

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided to reread the third book in the Rayburn family series. Well, actually I am sure. I thought that because I loved Simply Scandalous and Surrender to Sin so much it would only be natural that I love this one. W-r-o-n-g!

This had all the ingredients for a good story. There is the standard Lejeune non-hero hero, Benedict. He's missing an arm, he has an extra hairy furry chest, he has a scar, he's a prig and he has a wry wit. Soooo, what went wrong? Let us turn our eyeballs toward the heroine, Cosima for an answer. She doesn't like Benedict, no wait she does, no she doesn't, yes she does, no she hates him. She's not a whore, but she will sneak across the street at night to be with Benedict - but, wait... he's not allowed to touch her - or is he - touch me, don't touch me, may I touch you, I hate you, I'll lay my head on your shoulder, don't touch me, I'm not a whore! No, I won't marry you, no, I won't be your mistress, I will be your lover... I know what I'll do, I'll dye my hair red and cut it really short and you won't know I'm the same person - I'll wear a yellow wig and you won't be able to tell it's a wig made in the 1800's, you won't be able to recognize me. Of course, Benedict, the poor schlep, doesn't recognize her.

I did not like the heroine! And then there was the cast of thousand secondary nasty characters. There's Dalrymple, Carterets, Kellynch, Westland, Ludham, Matlock, Redfylde, on and on. They all moved in and out of scenes in such rapid succession, I was quite woozy trying to keep track of them. It was a Robert Altman production gone wrong.

ALLS I know is I'm so very happy this wasn't a debut book. So, my children, go ahead and read Tamara Lejeune's other books, for they are truly well-written funny tales, but tread gently around this one.

Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality Rating: Hot

No comments: