Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

August 21, 2013

Who Knew this was a Twilight Fanfiction...not me!
http://aliceclayton.com/
When I first spotted Wallbanger in a list of upcoming releases it caught my eye and it stayed

there.  I thought the title rather funny, so I put it on my list to read.  It wasn't until I was over half way through that I found out it was a so-called fanfiction book and a Twilight fanfiction to boot.

I'll be honest; I'm not sure how I feel about fanfiction books or even if I know exactly what they are.  I looked it up on Wikipedia and I'm still a tad confused - but here's my definition - someone loves a book sooooo much that they either continue the saga; change the ending; change the place or time-period; or add zombies to it - as in the Pride and Prejudice zombie book.  I would not consider this strictly a copyright issue as in the copy-paste-Janet-Dailey-Nora-Roberts debacle, but rather taking someone else's idea and tweaking it.  It’s a thin line and somehow I feel I'm the one being taken advantage of.  But in Romanceland, Detectiveville, Fantasytown, Science Fiction Village, etc., how many original stories are left?

Wallbanger supposedly was based on that great American series, The Twilight Saga.  I must admit, I never read any of the books, I have only been privileged to see one of the movies and that movie did not make me want to read any of the books.  I don't remember seeing such bad acting since Jack spit over the side of the Titanic.  And the dialogue was embarrassing enough to make me groan, and not in a good way.  Sorry all of my friends who went to the midnight showing.

Having never read the Twilight Saga, I can only judge Wallbanger on it's own merit, which is what I did.  By the way, there's nary a vampire or werewolf in sight.  What we do have is Caroline, an interior designer who has just moved in to an apartment with her cat, Clive.  It is while Caroline has just bedded down for a good night's sleep that she is introduced to her next door neighbor, Simon, aka the Wallbanger.  As it happens, Caroline's walls are quite thin, and Simon has an active sex life.  And that begins our story (which is written in first person, by the way).

This story was totally different from the books I normally read.  It had a looser writing style than what I am used to.  It had more of a pretentious Sex and the City thing going.  It also is classified as erotica but other than an increase in potty mouth dialogue, I wouldn't say there were any more bedroom scenes than there are in, say, an Anne Stuart or a Carolyn Jewel book.

I found some of the dialogue funny and the cat's actions occasionally humorous, but Wallbanger suffered from what I call the "Jerry Lewis Syndrome," which is not knowing when enough is enough.  While I found the initial sexual innuendos funny, I soon became tired of them.  Then we have - antici - pa - tion.  There is a difference between building tension and dragging something out by the use of constant interruptions.  I was so tired of waiting for Caroline and Simon to have whankee-roo that when it finally happened it lost its impact and then there were pages and pages of never ending in-out-in-out up-down-up-down.  I just wanted it to end. Making the story even longer was a silly romance story about Caroline and Simon's four friends.  This didn't contribute too much of anything but length to the book.

I realize this may sound like I didn't like this book, but there were some things I enjoyed.  I enjoyed the trip to Spain and the well-written romance during that time period.  There was also a fun use of text messages that I thought was a refreshing way to tell a story.

In the end, I believe Ms. Clayton has talent, and I wish her the best of luck.  But for me what could have been a good book suffered from lack of editing out portions which were not needed.  The jury is still out on how I feel about fanfiction, I wish I had been warned before I purchased the book though.  And, that in itself says something.

Time/Place: Modern San Francisco/World
Sensuality: Scorcher