Memories Schmemories, Continuing Saga, Rules for Being a Mistress by Tamara Lejeune, 2008

What I wouldn't give for some hip boots!
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/

Yes, children, you will need hip boots when you read Rules for Being a Mistress. Why would I need hip boots, you ask. Oh, my unsuspecting innocents, you will need them as you attempt to wade through the quagmire of disjointed plots and believability stretched farther than the milky way!

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided to reread the third book in the Rayburn family series. Well, actually I am sure. I thought that because I loved Simply Scandalous and Surrender to Sin so much it would only be natural that I love this one. W-r-o-n-g!

This had all the ingredients for a good story. There is the standard Lejeune non-hero hero, Benedict. He's missing an arm, he has an extra hairy furry chest, he has a scar, he's a prig and he has a wry wit. Soooo, what went wrong? Let us turn our eyeballs toward the heroine, Cosima for an answer. She doesn't like Benedict, no wait she does, no she doesn't, yes she does, no she hates him. She's not a whore, but she will sneak across the street at night to be with Benedict - but, wait... he's not allowed to touch her - or is he - touch me, don't touch me, may I touch you, I hate you, I'll lay my head on your shoulder, don't touch me, I'm not a whore! No, I won't marry you, no, I won't be your mistress, I will be your lover... I know what I'll do, I'll dye my hair red and cut it really short and you won't know I'm the same person - I'll wear a yellow wig and you won't be able to tell it's a wig made in the 1800's, you won't be able to recognize me. Of course, Benedict, the poor schlep, doesn't recognize her.

I did not like the heroine! And then there was the cast of thousand secondary nasty characters. There's Dalrymple, Carterets, Kellynch, Westland, Ludham, Matlock, Redfylde, on and on. They all moved in and out of scenes in such rapid succession, I was quite woozy trying to keep track of them. It was a Robert Altman production gone wrong.

ALLS I know is I'm so very happy this wasn't a debut book. So, my children, go ahead and read Tamara Lejeune's other books, for they are truly well-written funny tales, but tread gently around this one.

Time/Place: Regency England
Rating:
Sensuality Rating: Hot

Memories Schmemories, Part XIII, Surrender to Sin by Tamara Lejeune, 2007

Humor is interesting the second time around.
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk

I remember finding this book hysterical when I read it the first time and this time it was still funny. However, I was able to look at it with more analytical eyes and I was truly amazed at the writing skill of the author. I am a big fan of all those screwball comedies from the 30's and 40's... My Man Godfrey, Bringing Up Baby, Twentieth Century, The Awful Truth, etc. The similarity in all of these is even if the main characters in these stories are good looking, they are just a little off, quirky and not really hero/heroine material. And, that's what this book is. This is the story of two characters who would be the secondary goofballs in some other story.

This has so many misunderstandings and side stories that if you are a skip reader, this is not the book for you - you will miss some delightful dialog. The banter between Abigail and Cary is wonderful, bright, crisp and funny. The story never slows down and when Cary's sister shows up at his estate, the story accelerates at an amazing pace. I was truly amazed at the writing skill; I love good comedy writing. I found myself wondering about how Ms. Lejeune plotted her story. This story reminded be a lot of My Man Godfrey with all of those wonderful things going on in the background. One of my favorite scenes in My Man Godfrey is when Carlo has been insulted, all of the main characters are close to the camera and talking but in the background almost out of focus is Carlo sulking... funny scene. Watch for it if you ever see the movie. And, by the way turn off that nasty colorization and watch it in black and white. I digress.

I do have a minor quibble with the book, even though the couple was wonderful and they had chemistry, at least comedy chemistry. when Abigail announces she's in love, I was taken by surprise - I didn't see her fall. Abigail is also a bit of a doormat, but in this book it is written in such a way that her timorous personality plays well.

I highly recommend this book, however, as I said before this isn't a book you can read with only part of your attention turned on. This is a zany, zany book.

And, by the way, why doesn't Tamara Lejeune have a website? She's written four books and another is coming out this year, but her web presence doesn't exist. Ms. Lejeune, you need a website.

Time/Place: Regency England
Rating:
Sensuality Rating: Hot

Problems

AAAKKK!!! Had some problems lately getting into a few books...here they are...I've picked up, read a bit, put down, picked up, put down, picked up...take it from here.

You Only Love Once by Caroline Linden
Wicked Delights of the Bridal Bed by Tracy Anne Warren
The Unclaimed Duchess by Jenna Petersen

I've put them all back on by TBR pile, didn't throw them against the wall...after all it could be my mood...so, here's hoping.

The Devil Wears Plaid by Teresa Medeiros

Love those men in kilts!
http://www.teresamedeiros.com/

The Devil Wears Plaid has one of the best entrances by a hero I've read in a long time! Nothing better than a guy in a kilt crashing open the door of a church and charging his horse down the isle, grabbing the girl, throwing her over his saddle and riding away. I had a smile on my face from that moment on... what a guy!

I loved this book. It was a fast-paced, light, humorous read. I finished it in a day... full of adventure and great romance. Oh sure, it was full of och, bruidy, wee, auld, hinae, ken...etc., but this time I didn't find that irritating. In fact, I found the Scottish slang throughout the book amusing and even, dare I say it, charming. The Devil Wears Plaid was a refreshing change from some of the heavy duty books that have passed my way lately.

Emma and her highlander hero Jamie are a wonderful couple. And yes! We've seen this type of couple before. There was nothing new to the plot, but this book still worked. We have all the standard romance elements - the drunkard father, the sacrificial heroine, the idiot sisters, the Scottish hero - but it seemed fresh and new in Medeiros' hand. There was some strong chemistry between the main characters, a lot of great banter and funny dialogue being exchanged. There was a point when Jamie became stubborn, but mostly he was a wonderful hero. And, there was a twist at the end that I didn't see coming, which always impresses me. There was nothing new in the plot line of this book, but somehow it was a refreshing bit of artistry.

This book is a light, relaxing tale, but filled with some strong romantic moments and I think you'll probably love it as much as I did if you read it. This is Teresa Medeiros at her best!

Time/Place: Scotland/England Regency
Rating:
Sensuality Rating: Hot!

Born to Bite by Lynsay Sands

All your questions are answered!
http://www.lynsaysands.net/

Think back... It's been over a year since that cliffhanger ending from The Renegade Hunter that sent me into a tizzy. Born to Bite answers all the questions that were left last year, and I will admit I did forget about everything, just like I knew I would! (Note to authors: I have a short memory, don't do cliffhangers!)

The 13th in the Argeneau vampire series continues with Armand's story. Poor Armand, just doesn't have any luck keeping a wife. He's had three - and they all met their ends in mysterious accidents. He believes they are accidents, but just in case, he has isolated himself from his family to keep them safe. This didn't make too much sense to me when I read it - if the deaths were accidents why would you be concerned about the lives of those around you? Actually I found Armand to be a tad bit boring.

The heroine, Esme, is some kind of immortal enforcer, who has been sent to Armand's farm to investigate those deaths and also find the person who framed Nicholas (from Renegade Hunter). Of course, Armand and Esme are life-mates. What this means is that there is hot sex in the book, but we don't get to watch people fall in love. Although, it did take some time for them to admit that they loved each other; evidently life-mates and love don't necessarily go together in Vampireland, but I might be confused on that point.

This is a fast read, with some amusing scenes. I thought the romance part of the book was a little underdeveloped and I knew right away who the killer was, so the mystery was a also little weak for me. This wasn't one of the best in the Argeneau series, but it wasn't one of the worst - it was just average. And, don't worry, there are plenty of other characters in this book that will all probably have their own tale... this series could go on for a l-o-n-g time.

Time/Place: Current time, Canada
Rating:
Sensuality rating: Hot!

Reckless by Anne Stuart

You say no, but you really mean yes!
http://www.anne-stuart.com/

It took me forever to read this book and there were a number of times when I thought about not finishing Reckless, but because I have such great respect for Anne Stuart, I sighed and drudged through. Reckless is the second in the trilogy of House of Rohan, and it is about Adrian the son of Francis and Elinor from Ruthless. So, we are now moved ahead in time to Regency England.

Let me begin my grouse-fest. Let's begin with Adrian, who like his father belongs to the Heavenly Host club and is also carrying a big chip around on his shoulder. The chip is his father. He's got some kind of grudge against him (his father was the hero from the previous book so it can't be too bad.) However, we don’t really know why he does, we are never told why, all we are ever allowed to see or hear is him moaning and whining about his father, the hypocrite. There is hardly any interaction between Adrian and his parents, which was disappointing to me, especially since he's got a problem with one of them. I didn’t like Adrian! He’s an overgrown spoilt, whiny, sullen frat boy who does not understand the meaning of “no”. He’s one of those: I know you want this, say you want this as much as I do, I’ll make you say yes. Anne Stuart usually can turn these "no" means "yes" jerks into wonderful heroes, but this time she failed, this time the hero came close to being a Steve Morgan jerky hero clone.

And then there is the heroine. Ah Charlotte, you know the type. She's a spinster virgin heroine, plain, at six feet tall with red hair. Now, how a six foot woman with curly red hair could ever be considered plain is beyond me. Maybe it’s the glasses, no wait a minute she only needs them for reading! I wish there were more heroines who would wear their glasses all the way through the book! I do remember one who did, it was rather charming because her lenses kept fogging up. Of course, I don’t remember which heroine that was, anyway back to Charlotte.

Charlotte was borderline TSTL. As I said before she’s a virgin, which means she yearns to experience the seamy side of life, because she’s a plain six foot red head and will never never ever have sex, because she's plain. Sooooo, she decides if she can never never have sex, she’ll go watch it. Yes, let’s dress up as a monk…what a good idea! The brilliant plan is then to accompany her cousin to a Heavenly Host party! Why? Because she is going to watch people having sex and maybe even see sullen Adrian there! Then she will get to see his fabulous body. You know she has been stalking him...I mean l-u-v-e-d him forever and ever! Why has she luved this selfish sullen boy? Because down deep, he is really really a wonderful person, he's just hiding behind that arrogant facade. Big groan!

Thank goodness there were some nice secondary characters, loved the dying friend Monty and the almost scene stealing cousin and her vicar. But the secondary characters are not what the book is about…the book is about a stupid heroine and a distasteful hero.

Reckless did not live up to its predecessor and I was pretty disappointed, I was really looking forward to the second in the series. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for next month and Breathless, the third in the series.

Time/Place: Regency England
Rating:
Sensuality Rating: Scorcher

Memories Schmemories...Sort of

I had an epiphany! Just this weekend I happened to be doing one of those jobs I hate - getting groceries. However, I was on a quest. I was pushing my cart, my mind puzzling over where the grocer might have hidden those lightly-salted cardboard flavored treats known as rice cakes, when what did my ears hear?

Why, it was that classic piece of music by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs, Wooly Bully! Talk about something triggering memories. Nothing better than a bunch of guys from Texas dressed up in costumes from "The Sheik" belting out a song that makes no sense. But you can dance to it! And, I might add, I was a dancin' fool a long time ago.

As I stood in the grocery store tapping my toes discreetly...God forbid any one should see me...my mind wandered back to the books I was reading when the song came out. You must understand that this was before the romance books of today - before I discovered Georgette Heyer. My favorite book at the time was James Michener's The Source. And, it still is my favorite Michener. But don't shed a tear for me because I was a very big fan of historical fiction and gothic novels.

In fact, Doris Leslie's Wreath for Arabella (published in 1948) is still in my bookcse. And if any of you are not familiar with gothic (in my opinion, the precursor to romance) almost all the covers had a woman in a long flowing gown looking over her shoulder at the shadowy castle in the background. Those were some humdinger books and if you have never read one you should. My favorite authors were Victoria Holt, Joan Aiken, Virginia Coffman, Dorothy Eden, Mary Stewart and Elsie Lee. Great books! So here's to you gothic ladies for making me what I am today and here's to you, Sam, Sham and Pharoahs, for the trip down memory lane.

I shall leave you with this lyrical prose:

Hattie told Mattie
About the thing she saw
Had two big horns
And a wooly jaw.

Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully, etc.

Hattie told Mattie
Don't take no chance
Let's not be L-7
Come and learn to dance.

Wooly Bully etc.

Mattie told Hattie
It's the thing to do
Get yourself a filly
To pull the wool with you.

Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully etc.