My Fair Lover by Nicole Jordan

February 28, 2018
It’s Way Back Machine Time!

http://nicolejordanauthor.com/
You just never know when you’re going to be transported back to the days when heroes were boneheads, and, we in Romanceland seemed to accept these twit-clowns. Thank goodness they seem to be rarer now than they used to be. Or are they? I guess I wouldn’t be able to give out the Steve Morgan Bonehead Award every year if they had vanished from the Romanceland landscape.

Well, my little Petunias, we have a bonehead hero lurking in the pages of Nicole Jordan’s My Fair Lover: Brandon Deverill. Supposedly this story is a twist on the Pygmalion/My Fair Lady story, only it’s the guy who needs to be spruced up in this tale. But first, let me say a couple of things about Pygmalion/My Fair Lady. I’m not really too fond of the George Bernard Shaw’s interpretation of the Greek legend – it’s really quite misogynistic. I am also not all that keen on the My Fair Lady movie with a 100 year old Rex Harrison cast opposite a much, much, younger, skinny Audrey Hepburn. But, hey that just me. By the way, Mr. Harrison was probably not 100 when he starred in My Fair Lady.

While I’m still rambling, it struck me as odd that Brandon needed to be refurbished. He already had associates in society. Just because he went off to fight in the war of 1812, doesn’t mean he was some backward hick who spits tobac-cy into a nearby fern. He already knew how society worked, and he was an Earl. What other requirements would he have needed to find a aristocratic marriage partner? So this part of the plot, the whole reason for the antagonists to be together - didn’t work for me. Just so you know, if you really want to read a romance book where the refurbishing of a man works, I recommend The Proposition by Judith Ivory.

Back to the story, and why Brandon is a Bonehead. Once upon a time, Brandon was an American privateer who somehow hung around Lady Katherine Wilde’s family. They are both very young; she is 17 and he is, I believe, 20 or 21. She has developed a humongous crush on him. But, he is going to America to fight in the war. What’s a girl to do? She decides to seduce him. I betcha’ he won’t go then! A lot you know. In the only scene where Brandon is half-way honorable, he turns down a naked Katherine’s attempt to bed him. What a guy. Then he leaves and she is crushed. She will never forgive him, never speak to him, he’s a cad. She, of course, will not look at another man for the next six years. Surprise, surprise, surprise romance readers – she will only marry for love!

Six years pass. Brandon, a new earl, decides he needs to marry. So, he returns to England and decides he will marry Katherine. Now, here’s the deal. He doesn’t believe in love. What! A romance hero who doesn’t believe in love! Could it be his parents had a miserable marriage? You know what that means? You guessed it! He can never luv anyone because of his parents – blah, blah, blah. So, why does he pick Katherine? He knows she wants love in her marriage. Why doesn’t he leave her alone? He doesn’t want love? Right from the start he plots and schemes and lies to her. He tries to make her jealous (I hatesssssss games). One minute he doesn’t want her love because he can’t return it, then the next moment he is trying to make her fall in love with him – even though he will never love her!!! He was a real twit! I also want to know why it is Brandon who decides whether they use a sponge, (I’m not talking dishes either). Speaking of which, how do those things work in romance books? Were they one size fits all? Just how tight was that silken ribbon around the sponge tied? Would our heroine know about the side-effects of using one of those things? All that bacteria just waiting makes me cringe. My mind always has tons of questions whenever I see this method of birth-control used in the 17th,18th, 19th century romance books. But the main thing about the sponge in this book: Why is Brandon the one who decides whether they use it or not?

Then we have a journey over the sea to find the graves of her parents. There is only one person who can help them in their search. The dread pirate Louvel. Louvel is holding a grudge against Brandon. It seems that somewhere in their past Brandon stole Louvel’s mistress away from him or something like that. So, Louvel hatessssss Brandon – but Louvel will help him because he is charmed my Katherine. In fact, Louvel flirts with Katherine in a kind of sleaze-ball way. Here’s the thing, Louvel has a very lovely, nice, charming, young mistress, Gabrielle. Gabrielle would do anything for him; she loves him and she wants to marry him. Did I mention that Katherine is a matchmaker? Well, she is. She decides to match-make Louvel with his mistress. At this point I thought – “oh, a secondary romance.” Maybe that was the intent, but here’s the thing – spoiler alert. As the story starts to wind down, Louvel actually tries to murder Brandon. He puts him in a cave which is filling with water. Besides being a cold-blooded killer-maniac, Louvel is a creepy guy, abusive, and psychotic. Do you know what Brandon and Katherine do in the end? They give Louvel a strong talking to and leave that lovely, nice, Gabrielle with him. Katherine is a matchmaker after-all. I couldn’t believe that they would leave poor Gabrielle behind with an abusive man.

Bottom-line. This is a predictable book with the tired, often repeated: I-cannot-luv-because-of-my-parents-mother-father routine. The hero was a selfish, manipulating, twit. Louvel should have been locked up. Katherine and Gabrielle should have dumped the guys and opened up a resort together. I cannot recommend this book.

Time/Place: Regency England
Sensuality: Boring Hot

Holy Cannoli! It's Time for Upcoming Historical Romances!!!!

Authors with an asterisk*, I'm picking up! For more Upcoming Releases that aren't historical see HEY DELIA!! March 15, 2018 to April 14, 2018. By the way, it is not my fault if a publisher changes the release dates - just so you know, they do not consult me.

	A.S. Fenichel http://asfenichel.com A Lady’s Honor Everton Domestic Society April 3
	Anne Gracie http://www.annegracie.com Marry in Scandal Marriage of Convenience series April 3
	Candace Camp http://www.candace-camp.com/ His Wicked Charm The Mad Morelands series March 27
	Christi Caldwell http://www.christicaldwellauthor.com The Hellion Wicked Wallflowers April 3
	Elizabeth Beacon http://elizabethbeacon.moonfruit.com/ A Wedding for the Scandalous Heiress March 20
	Eva Leigh http://evaleighauthor.com Counting on a Countess London Underground series March 27
	Greta Gilbert https://www.fantasticfiction.com/g/greta-gilbert/ In Thrall to the Enemy Commander March 20
	Jenna Jaxon http://jennajaxon.wordpress.com To Woo a Wicked Widow Widow's Club series March 27
	Jenni Fletcher http://jennifletcher.com Captain Amberton's Inherited Bride March 20
	Lauri Robinson http://www.laurirobinson.blogspot.com In the Sheriff’s Protection Oak Grove series March 20
	Lenora Bell http://www.lenorabell.com/ What a Difference a Duke Makes School for Dukes series March 27
	Louise Allen http://www.louiseallenregency.co.uk The Earl's Practical Marriage March 20
	Marguerite Kaye http://www.margueritekaye.com From Courtesan to Convenient Wife Matches Made in Scandal series March 20
	Sabrina Jeffries http://www.sabrinajeffries.com The Secret of Flirting The Sinful Suitors series March 27
	Susanna Craig http://www.susannacraig.com The Companion’s Secret Rogues and Rebels series April 3

Beyond Scandal and Desire by Lorraine Heath

February 22, 2018
Delightful

http://www.lorraineheath.com/
I'm not fond of revenge plots, but Beyond Scandal and Desire was a pleasant surprise. This story begins Ms. Heath's newest series, Sins for All Seasons. I'm guessing this series will revolve around a group of "siblings" who were abandoned as babies to a woman named Ettie Trewlove. There are two women, Gillian and Fancy, and four men, Aiden, Finn, Mick and Ben/Beast. Beast is the one with the requisite scar. None of them are related except for Finn and Aiden, however, they consider themselves to be family. Even though the blood relationship between the siblings is weak, there is nonetheless a sibling bond between all of them. They grew up in the dredges of London and their loyalty to each other is something that cannot be denied. They are also very devoted to the woman who took them in, Ettie. She is the woman they look on as their mother. She has their love and respect.

Mick Trewlove is seeking revenge on the man who abandoned him when he was a baby. He knows who the man is. The man is the Duke of Hedley. The Duke has a son, Kip, and is also guardian to Lady Aslyn. Lady Aslyn's parent were killed when she was a young child and she has grown up in the Duke's household. She has also grown up very sheltered in their household. She knows that they love her and she loves them in return. She has a great affection for Kip and expects that someday she and Kip will marry. Everyone just kind of expects it. Aslyn is comfortable with her situation. Oh sure, sometimes she feels as if she's missing something, but she hasn't found the need to find out what that missing something is. Then Mick Trewlove crosses her path.

Mick Trewlove does not cross Lady Aslyn's path by accident. He has made up his mind that ruining Kip through Lady Aslyn is the perfect way to get his revenge on Hedley. So, with the help of his spunky sister, Fancy, he meets the two one evening on an outing. It wasn't long before I found myself becoming absorbed by the story.

What I found so fascinating was that this was more than just a romance story. All the secondary characters were well-rounded, they are part of the story of Mick and Aslyn and I was never distracted by their presence. I liked Mick a lot. Sure he wanted to get revenge, but it wasn't long after he meet Aslyn that he began to struggle with his idea of revenge. He finds himself drawn to Aslyn and not too much time passes before he's running into problems with his grand revenge plan and fighting his need for Aslyn.

Aslyn is almost too good to be true. She isn't class conscious at all. She has no problem with Mick's family and is fascinated with how Mick has made his way up from the dregs of the London streets. I was worried for a while that she wouldn't stand up for herself when it came to her engagement with Kip. However, almost from the moment she becomes engaged to her childhood friend, she starts to question the wisdom of their engagement. She recognizes that there isn't any spark between the two of them. When she finds out that Kip is addicted to gambling, she is very up front with Kip and tells him where he can get off.

While I enjoyed the romance between Aslyn and Mick very much, I was equally fascinated with Kip, Hedley and Hedley's wife. All three of these secondary characters had enormous problems, which can be a big distraction to some stories. In this case, the secondary plotlines were given just the right amount of time in the story. They added to the overall plotline instead of detracting from it. I found all of these secondary characters very intriguing.

Bottom-line. I loved this story. It was a full, robust tale of more than just romance. It was emotionally satisfying and I can hardly wait for the next in the series. I was pretty impressed with Lorraine Heath's Beyond Scandal and Desire.

Time/Place: 1870s England
Sensuality: Warm/Hot

Surrender to the Highlander by Linsay Sands

February 16, 2018
Dinna fash yersel'

http://www.lynsaysands.net/
Hey, guess what! Get ready to journey back to the good old days of Scotland. Yep, those were the days when lassies were lassies and laddies were brawny and said "dinna" a lot.

It's been a while since I've read a Lindsay Sands. I couldn't remember why I didn't read her anymore.  I remember loving The Deed. I also remember enjoying her vampire books, until I became tired of the gazillion cell-phone conversation her characters had. Regardless, I picked up Surrender to the Highlander and started to read. I actually found myself enjoying it and then something happened - I remembered why I haven't read Ms. Sands in a while. Let's examine my epiphany.

Our main characters in this story are Edith Drummond and Neils Buchanan. By the way, Neils Buchanan is the series connector. He has a bunch of brothers: Alick, Geordie, and Rory. Rory is the doctor-brother. There is also a sister by the name of Saidh, but her story was the previous one. Hey, and by the way, how does one pronounce Saidh? I went online and listened to different pronunciations. There were all kinds of pronunciations, from said, as in said, to c-ad, c-ed, sin-o, ci-ad, ce-ad-ded, sid and just plain c. I bet I'm not the only one who becomes distracted when it comes to certain Romanceland names. They may look pretty, but pronouncing them is a whole different matter. Anyway, back to Edith and Neils.

Saidh is worried about her friend Edith. She hasn't heard from her in a long time and she is suspicious of things not quite right at the Drummond castle. But, Saidh can't find out because she's about 20 months pregnant with a giant cow and cannot ride a horse to the Drummond castle. Her husband will not leave her side, so she coerces her brothers into investigating. The four brothers grudgingly agree and they are off.

Getting into the castle. When they arrive at the castle they are not allowed into it and a very long funny scene begins between the brothers and the guards. It reminded me a little of an old Laurel and Hardy movie. Eventually the four brothers are allowed into the castle and we meet more characters: Ronson, the cute Romanceland orphan boy with his trusty giant dog, Laddie; Ronson's grandmother; Tormod, the Laird's first; and Cawley, the Laird's second. There are also a bunch of assorted servants all over the place. It's actually quite crowded. It has to be crowded because someone is killing them off and the more people who get murdered, the smaller our suspects list becomes. Edith's father and two of her brothers have already died, and someone has poisoned her. Her brother, Brodie has taken off along with his wife, and are in hiding - at least that's what we are told. Oh, I forgot, there may be spoilers ahead, to say nothing of the red herrings.

Anyway, someone has poisoned poor Edith and she's in some kind of poison coma. Lucky for her Rory is a doctor and after lots and lots of discussion by all the guys, they arrive at the conclusion that her food was poisoned or maybe it was her mead or cider - whatever, there was a bigggg discussion.  I did not know which of the brothers Edith was going to end up with. At first I thought maybe Rory was the one, but ‘twas not to be. Nope, Neils was the first one Edith's eyes landed on when she finally opened them. Well, not really the first one, that would be the snoring Alick. Alick was on guard duty. Neils was the first one whose arms she collapsed into. She is instantly attracted to Neils and they start to talk about who is trying to murder her. He and his brothers and her servants try to protect her, but she occasionally turns into a TSTL heroine and wanders off into the castle by herself. She just cannot abide waking poor Neils from his sound sleep, the poor dear, even if someone is poisoning her food and shooting arrows at her. She just tip-toes over him. Another sleeping brother on guard duty.

How to catch a murderer. It was while I was reading a scene in which a detailed discussion was going on that my light bulb went off. A bunch of the guys were talking, in detail, on how to catch the killer. Now I remembered why I haven't read Ms. Sands in a while. These how-to discussions were done more than once in this book and were all quite pointless. They had to have been word count fillers I see no other reason for them being there. There were pages and pages of things like - I paraphrase: "you walk into a room and turn around and say, “oh, where is so and so”. Then turn to your left and trip over the stairs and then say, so everyone can hear, “I'm going up stairs now - by myself - all alone - with no one to protect me”. Then Tormod will go here and Rory will go there and Neils will go there and Alick will be under the bed waiting". On and on and on and on. Then you know what? Someone gets thrown over the castle wall and the conspirators don't do the plan. They forget their brother under the bed. None of the clever we-have-a-plan conspirators see anything. There wasn’t anyone in the hallway, stairs, closet, table, chair, etc. The whole conversation was a waste of time. Then I was presented with an OMG moment.

OMG moment. So, we have a killer on the loose. We don't know who. We don't know how they are getting from place to place without being seen. We have discussions, and plans, and more discussions and a heroine who just can't seem to stay in one place. Tormod. You remember Tormod? He's the big kahuna of the castle, he's the First, the guard, the protector. Oh, geewillikers guys, did Tormod forget to mention there are secret passages thourghout the castle? Really, Tormod! Do you think it might have come in handy to know there were secret passages? And, this is the guy who is supposed to be guarding the castle. But wait, there are more moments in this story. Our Ewwwwww moment.

Ewwwwww moment. Edith is a total innocent, I mean she is a clueless innocent. She and Neils marry part way through the story. She wants to please her man, so she asks her maid for instructions. Actually, some of this discussion was quite humorous. Edith has no idea what her maid is talking about. I even chuckled through their conversation. If only Ms. Sands hadn't gone a step further. Ms. Sands just doesn’t seem to know when to stop. You see innocent Edith, on the advice of her maid, smears some kind of dark fruit preserve all over Neils winkee-dink. (This is to make it taste good.) But, she hasn’t stopped there, she has inserted some preserve in her lady-channel, if you know what I mean. Well, my little Petunia's, remember Edith has been poisoned in the past. It seems that once again she has been poisoned and in the middle of enjoying the placements of preserves, she throws up. All over everything, including Neils' Timothy Toad. You might think that's the Ewwwwww moment - nope. Rory, the doctor-brother, sees Neils’ preserve-laden Timothy Toad and suggests that Neils clean up. He also suggests that Neils clean up Edith because he can see preserves "seeping" from her golden vessel. That was my Ewwwwww moment. But wait, there is one more moment; the villain wrap-up moment.

The villain wrap-up moment. You know over the years, I have seen movies or read books which have villains exposing allllll the reasons they have for killing a gazillion people. This is the first time I have ever seen the heroine, the woman who the villain is trying to kill, sit down with the villain and discuss allll the reasons why. It was just toooo ridiculous for words. By the way the death toll was 14 in this book, not counting the horses.

Bottom line. What started out as a humorous romantic story took a turn half way through. The conversations surrounding the “who-done-its” were just pointless. The heroine, the First, and the brothers were not the brightest bulbs in the package. And, there were just too many "moments" which kicked me out of the story. This book did not work for me, I was very disappointed that what started out promising ended up being very awkward. Sorry to say I cannot recommend Surrender to the Highlander.

Time/Place: Generic time Scotland
Sensuality: Warm/Hot

Christmas in the City series by Jill Barnett

February 7, 2018
So, the Holiday season is over - but what the hey

http://www.jillbarnettbooks.com/ 

Well, 2017 is over and I had high hopes for 2018. However, so far, 2018 selections are making me walk around with a frowny face. I've started three, put them away and had to turn to some old holiday novellas for a smiley face. Anyway, Jill Barnett has republished three of her holiday short stories: Daniel and the Angel, 1994; Eleanor's Hero, aka Boxing Day, 1997; and My Lucky Penny, 2017 (new). They have been repackaged as the Christmas in the City series, but really the only thing that connects them is they take place in New York City in the late 19th century.

Daniel and the Angel, 1994. This is a sweet story, maybe even a little silly. It reminded me an awful lot of some old Hollywood movies like It's a Wonderful Life, The Bishop's Wife, and Here Comes Mr. Jordan. A bumbling angel, Lillian, is sent to earth to soften the heart of a young, handsome miser, D.L. Stewart. When Lillian is kicked out of heaven, she lands with a bump in front of Stewart's carriage. Believing she is injured, Stewart takes her home. His lawyer tries to get her to sign a release so she won't sue. Lillian, being an angel, has no use what-so ever for any money. Someone who has no use for money is an oddity for Stewart, one that he has trouble understanding. And, that's the basic story. Lillian trying to turn D.L. Stewart into a nice guy and D.L. trying to figure Lillian out.

This is a case of instant love, but that's ok because this is such a short story there isn't any room for a long love preamble. The tale is pretty whimsical, with just a light touch of angel dust thrown in. It was a nice read, very seasonal and it cheered me up. So, if you like bumbling angels, this should hit the right spot. It's a fast, pleasant, joyful read.

 


Eleanor's Hero, aka Boxing Day, 1997. This one I didn't like so much. Here's why - I'm not too keen on professional boxers being heroes in my romance books. I don't know why. I never have been a big fan of men beating each other in the head with their fists. But I tried to get past that in this story. But then there is Eleanor. Eleanor is a forty year old woman and our heroine, but gee willikers one would think she was 80 years old and had no hormonal urges. You see, Conn, our hero-boxer is younger than Eleanor - I think by eight years. So, she's forty and he's thirty-two. I have to ask - how would one be able to tell the age difference just by looking at them? Forty/thirty-two - don't get the problem. But the age difference was a biiigggggg problem with Eleanor and that made what should have been a light-hearted short story irritating. There could have been some really funny things in this story, especially after she moves into the same building as the one he lives in. She's also his landlady. But there was just too much time wasted on the age thing, and it got pretty monotonous pretty fast. Not my favorite Jill Barnett story.




 My Lucky Penny, 2017. This is the new story in the batch. Well, here I go again - this is one of those times when a short story should have been longer. There was just too much going on in My Lucky Penny and the characters needed more development time or something should have been edited out to allow for more depth. Here's the plot, a bachelor uncle, Edward, becomes the guardian of his 4 year old niece. His niece is going through some kind of trauma and cannot or will not speak. Then one snowy day she sees a doll in a store window which looks likes her mother - and she talks. She wants that doll. Well, Edward cannot stop the carriage, he's a busy guy after all, but promises her he will get it for her later. When he goes back, the doll is gone. So, he begins to look for another doll just like that one. The doll maker is our heroine, Idalie Everdeane, and Idalie hasn’t anymore "Josie" dolls.

The strong parts of this story were the moments shared between Edward and his niece, Penny. He is a pretty busy guy who has filled all of his days with his work and when he becomes Penny's guardian all of his orderly routine becomes chaos. Their relationship is pretty special. What isn't so strong is the romantic relationship between Edward and Idalie. Remember this is a short story, but Ms. Barnett doesn't actually have Edward and Idalie interact with each other for quite a while. For me, there just wasn't enough romantic chemistry between Edward and Idalie - they just didn't seem to connect. My Lucky Penny had moments of superb writing, but that wasn't enough for this short story to work.

 

Bottom-line - I'm always a sucker for short stories. I know what I'm getting into when I purchase them. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. But, usually they make me smile. While My Lucky Penny deserved a longer format, it had its delightful moments. It's just the romance in the story didn't work. I liked Daniel and the Angel, I thought it was a pleasant, smiley-face read. My least favorite of the three was Eleanor's Hero, aka Boxing Day - what an irritating heroine.
Time/Place: 1880s New York
Sensuality: Varies: Sweet to Warm
Overall: